I mentioned before that in February of 2010 I attended my first blogging conference. I was not new to blogging at the time. I had been blogging almost 6 years by then, but I was a closet blogger. Blogging was a solitary outlet in my toddler-filled world.
I didn't talk to other bloggers. I didn't network. I didn't comment on other blogs. I didn't participate in any other form of social media. I wasn't interested in making money. I just wrote what swirled in my head and hit "Publish." That was it. I enjoyed and appreciated the few people who were kind enough to read my blog and respond. I also really enjoyed learning the mechanics of blogging.
But by 2010, things were changing. My baby was 2—no more nursing 24/7 and waking up 4-8 times a night (I'm not sure where people find those good-sleepin' babies! 
). Getting pregnant again didn't seem to be on the horizon. We had made some huge life changes that afforded me a bit more time.
It was then that I decided to be a more purposeful blogger.
When I went to that conference, I felt like the biggest nobody in the world. Whenever I mentioned my blog, I got blank stares. I think my average daily pageviews were in the double digits at that point. I talked to many bloggers who were making solid part- and full-time incomes and had been blogging a fraction of the time.
I was tormented by the question, "Where could I be now if I had done this 6 years ago?"
It was pretty depressing.
And then I was in a session (I don't remember which one) and Carmen from Mom to the Screaming Masses said this: "We need to stop comparing our insides to others' outsides."
It was a lightbulb moment.
Frankly, there were good reasons I had not been business-minded and purposeful in my blogging up until then. I was struggling with motherhood. I was struggling with our current work and living situation. Truthfully, in the summer of 2007, I was struggling to stay alive. Simply put, blogging served a different purpose for me during those 6 years than it did for the women I met who were making money. My reality was vastly different than theirs.
I was doing myself a huge disservice by comparing their "outsides" to my "inside."
You are you. I am me. Amazing Blogger over there is them. I've been at this blogging thing a long time and I'll tell you what, back in the day, blogs were a bit rough around the edges. But now? Many are polished, spit-shined, photoshopped, staged and nothing short of lovely. (Anyone else ever feel like a failure and loser?)
Now, I'm not knockin' blogs and I hope it doesn't come across that way. After all, I'm a blogger who's trying to make a living at this. I like that bloggers are taking blogging seriously and I think it's great that increased income has allowed for higher quality a better user experience. I am a huge fan of excellence and doing things well.
But never forget that what you see on the screen is not the whole picture.
Never forget that the people behind the blogs are, well, people…with unorganized cupboards, unmanaged time schedules (ahem!), cranky children (ahem again!), painful stories, crafty train wrecks, struggling marriages, unpaid bills and burnt meat loaf. (Those are the examples I use, because those have all been me behind the scenes.)
Never forget that their story and their journey and their choices apply to them, not to you.
You are who you are for a reason. You are where you are a for a reason. Don't do what I do and beat yourself up for not being where someone else is. It's a colossal waste of time.
Appreciate everyone else's outside, but embrace your inside.
Run with it.
Starting today.
P.S. Just so you know, I wrote this post to myself more than I did to any of you…and it hasn't been the first time.
FURTHER READING:
- "How do you not get discouraged by the success of others?"
- Finding Your Voice Among Many
- How to Find a Unique Angle in a Crowded Niche
Photo by Search Engine People Blog
Here at BloggingWithAmy you'll find tips, tools & tutorials about blogging and websites. In plain English. Want to 
I loved this. Thanks for writing it. You have perfectly captured my own thoughts at various stages of my blogging "career" (haha).
I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate reading this post, Amy. I just came upon your blog today, via a post on William-Sonoma, Inc.'s Designer Marketplace blog, titled 'Pinterest for Designers', written by Melissa Michaels, where she had a link to one of your previous posts on 'How to Watermark a Photo (and Edit Images in Picnik)' which was very helpful, by the way, and I started reading this post, 'The Trouble with Blogging'. For the past couple of years, I think I've been suffering from 'comparison-itis'!. With this one post, you've given me the confidence and encouragement to just dive in and go with the flow! Thank you for keeping it real, and being so inspiring to soon-to-be-bloggers, like me!
I really agree with this, and appreciate the observation that we all have our own blogging journeys that we are on. I am a SAHM to three little ones and my husband is in graduate school right now, and I would love to make money off of blogging because we could use the money, but I also know that for me personally, it is incredibly hard to find the time. I'm working on getting my home together first and streamlining my time so that I can then do something with that time. I also read your link about your struggle with depression and found it so encouraging – I feel so exhausted sometimes and you don't hear too many moms talking about how hard it can really be.
Love this. I love reading posts like this
2011 was the year of learning for me and I am so much further ahead today than I was a year ago; what I sometimes ask myself is where would I be if I spent my 20s having the focus I have today. Of course, maybe the experience of my 20s is what is allowing me to be more focused today.
Thanks for your great site; I've learned a great deal from you since I started following.
Sometimes I think the same thing, but I know that who I am today is a culmination of what I've experienced in the past. I've gotta remind myself to just keep moving forward and not spend too much time dwelling on the woulda, coulda, shouldas. That's easier said than done for me though.
Thank you for writing this! I've been tithing for 9 months while raising two toddlers (ages 1 & 2). I try to work on my blog often, but you know…life keeps on happening. Your words are very encouraging, so thank you!
Oops! I meant "blogging" not "tithing"! Sorry…just blogged about tithing today.
Great words! So often it is so easy to see other bloggers out there doing amazing things and think to myself…well I can do that, can't I? And then I ask myself, do I want to sacrifice {insert priority here} to make it big? For me, no. For someone else, yes. It is a tricky but lovely thing that anyone can be a blogger. So we are always comparing to others yet, just like you said, we all have different stories, different backgrounds, different reasons for blogging, and different priorities. Your words are very encouraging and applicable to any and all bloggers no matter their popularity status!
I totally agree with everything you said in this post, and it can be applied to many other facets of our lives as well; work, hobbies, homes, school, just to name a few. Thanks for another well written and helpful post.
Thank you so much for posting this! I couldn't agree more, and I am working really hard to be as authentic as I can be in my little corner of the Internet. Thanks for the sweet reminder!
Allyson
http://cupcakescandycanes.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm new to the blogging community and I feel a bit discouraged sometimes with the amount of competition out there. I just have to remind myself that I started my blog because I think I have interesting information to share and I enjoy writing. I'll keep working at it because it's something I enjoy. Thanks for the inspiring words!
Thanks AMy for a great post! Wow! I just spent the last 30 min. reading your links in the post. It is very true what you say. It is easy to get discouraged, especially being somewhat new to this blogging thing
Good stuff AMy and high five for sharing your story!
Nice post! Timely, too. I finally made the switch to WordPress this year (yeah!), and boy, I think if there's a mistake to be made, I've made it. I've got no one local to lean on, and so many of the online forums seem to assume that you're familiar with the terminology (which I am not). The last couple of weeks have been a struggle. Still, I'm making progress, and hope that eventually I will get everything sorted out. I can only do what I can do, and fretting about anything else is just a waste of time.
Love this post! I have been on again off again blogging. I have NUMEROUS friends who seem to have this blogging thing come so naturally to them while I struggle along. Thanks to your post I will keep on keeping on, the way I have been, until I feel the need to change it because I want to change… not simply because everyone else is doing something so I must have to do it too.
I am me, and this is how I am doing it for ME… for now anyway.
I started blogging 14 days ago and I feel the exact same way! Plus the whole I'm not worthy of being in a group with all those other great bloggers/teachers/moms… Thanks for putting it into words and sharing
14 days! Wow…hang in there! TAW is like my third "pregnancy."
Oh yeah. I am an author and publisher with a very busy business life, and I decided to blog because everyone said it was good for sales. Little did I know it is much more. I like to blog but I've let the pressure valve off and just do what I want the way I want. I might have maybe 200 followers, and I follow some amazing blogs with 5000! Who cares?!?! Life is too short to compare. Just do what you like and enjoy it for what it means to you.
My "most popular blog" is about this very same subject. It even got me on a radio show! It's sad that so many feel they can't be "real". Like most young mothers, I fight to find time to blog, so I haven't written too many posts since that one. However, I am trying to make it a point to NOT gloss things over. I don't think it's prudent to "air dirty laundry" so-to-speak, but there's definitely value in being sincere and honest about how you are really feeling. It makes a blogger more relatable. (P.s. I don't think I have ever commented here before, so please let me quickly say…you have helped me so much in this blogging endeavor! Thank you!! It's obvious you put in a lot of hard work!)
I wasn't expecting to read this and cry. stinkin' tears …stinkin' hormones:) yes. yes i so agree with this. in fact i write on this from time to time and everytime I do my readers vacate stalking mode and make a noise to let me know they read it and liked it:)
i was struggling with this today. again. i have been blogging for a very long time. almost 6 years. i know some of the "bigger" bloggers when they had very few followers. that being said i have had 3 blogs before i have the one i focus on now. i constantly beat myself up for not focusing on it sooner…for not sticking with my original blog. where would i be now? but then in the same breath i recognize that i don't know if i can handle anything else other than where i am at.
regardless, it's easy to feel left out. and yes. i've been to relevant. twice:)
I hear ya on the need to focus!! I've started so many blogs too and I keep changing my mind. If only I had stuck with any of them longer than I did…oh man, I'd be so much further along. But, I think you and I are true entrepreneurs, lots of ideas, always thinking of new things. It's not such a bad quality to have!
Thanks for the post! I am super lazy about blogging, but jeez how many social networks can we be part of really? I feel like I could replace "blogging" with so many things in life. I feel out of place almost 95% of the time, wherever I am! But its nice to hear someone else say it!
Thank you-this is a great post & you worded it so well! This statement "by comparing their "outsides" to my "inside." will hit home with not only me but many many bloggers. You did a great service by posting this today. I forget that I am a real person with real issues that I sometimes leave out of my blog because I don't 'want others' to know my struggles. But that makes part of me-me…
Thank you once again!
This is just a great post and I really needed this today. It's so hard not to compare yourself to other bloggers – at least it is to me. I ask myself where would I be if I started this X years ago all the time. You're right. We do need to remember that we are not seeing the whole picture. We see the huge numbers but that isn't necessarily the whole picture. Thank you!
Many thanks for sharing your thoughts and exposing part of yourself to us. It helps to know that not every blogger is 'Home Perfect'. If we could all spend prime time on our blogs, and know what we are doing and where we are going, the blog world would most definitely be a dull place, lacking diversity and realism. I'm a blogger with absolutely NO computer knowledge, but I work with it as well as I can. Dialysis steals 3 days days of my week away, so my time has to be split so many ways when I'm home, that blogging seems to have fallen back a bit. I'm trying to make money at it, but no ads are appearing. That in itself is disconcerting, but, what can I do? That frustration, I think, has led to my lack of posts lately, so I must pull myself up by the straps and get to work. A double edged sword for sure. Thanks again, for being human and not afraid to admit it!
Wonderful post! How true. I have the same struggle too … not just with blogging, but in many parts of my life. Reading reminders like this is SO important! Thanks for sharing!
So true. Thank you for posting this!! Sometimes I look at the blogs and wonder how their lives are so "perfect" but then I realize that some of them only share the good parts. I like blogs that share the good and the bad.
Amy,
I can so relate! There are many times I wonder what the heck I'm doing, but I try not to get into that hole where it's working for everybody else and it's not working for me. And like Maryann says, " Life is too short to compare. Just do what you like and enjoy it for what it means to you."
This could not be put any better! Wonderful! I'm sharing it in all my blogging forums!
Thank you, Tricia!
Thank you Amy for all the information and inspiration. I come back to your blog again and again learning something new each time. My blog is not even close to what I want it to be but I am improving it week by week.
That was really great post; it completed my day which I am looking for great ideas all day long. And I’m thankful that I made to visit your site. Thanks a lot.
Thank you for this post. As you know it is very hard starting out and it is easy to get frustrated. I don't know how many times I've felt like I am wasting my time. You have inspired me–thank you!
"Wonderment" has been the word I would use to describe blogging over the last 6 years–specifically concerning parenting. My experiences are much as you have described. Sharing them will surely benefit us, however, you are the true beneficiary. You have set for yourself a delightful set of goals to direct you to YOUR success!
Amy,
Shocking?!? Thanks for your honesty and all you do to encourage "baby" bloggers. 
I could not have come to this post at a better time. I have been struggling with ALL of this daily since attending Relevant '11 (my first blogging conference). While part of me knows that what you are saying is true ( I heard you say it there too), it is nice to be reminded of it again now that the "rush" is over and my blog has not launched to fame.
This was so refreshing to read. It's kind of interesting to see the truth behind what a lot of bloggers go through when you get past the veil of their perfect blog life.
I"m on the brink of "Blogging"….but unsure of all the aspects that it would entail. Thank you for posting this. Do you have any recommendations for someone like myself? Any sites to "explain" where/how to begin. My life has been a long, long journey…..hard does not even begin to explain it, but i think this is the next step. Any help you or others have to offer will be appreciated.
You can follow my How To Blog series. That lays it out pretty simply, I think.
Thank you for the needed reality check. Your words speak to my heart as I too often waste my precious time by playing the dangerous comparison game! Thank you.
appreciate people's outside but embrace your inside.. simply beautiful
Amy I love your blog! Do you have any recommendations for a good web designer? I am in desperate need of help on my blog.
I always recommend Joy or Darcy but they fill up quick. Design by Insight is another I would recommend (although haven't used myself). You could also check out this list if you want to browse the portfolios of more designers.
thanks for the honest acct…eventually I mighgt start my own blog…you have inspired me one step at a time.
Thank you so much for posting this. I started a blog a while ago and love to write, but have already seemed to hit a block after a short period of time. I think a lot of it has to do with exactly what you are talking about. I'm ALREADY comparing myself to others. I sit down to write and I think, who the heck is going to want to read this? I'm not as funny, interesting, wise as the other blogs I read. I look at those blogs–the fancy designs, the great posts and I sit there and go why bother?
I think I need to start to go back to writing for me and let the rest take care of itself. It's just so hard, you know?
Look at all your comments, girl! You are doing great. I really appreciated your post, as everyone else did. I feel like I'm in the same "rut" in my doula business. I started this on my own as a result of my births and experiences, and was SO passionate about it, that nothing could stand in my way. After a bit of a "fiasco" with another doula (whom apparently shared the same ideas with what I had for the community – which is great, by the way), I stepped back and found myself only looking towards the hurt and feeling like I needed to "keep up with the Joneses". It was then that I realized that my passions were pushed aside and this had become exactly what I didn't want it to become… a job, aka "business." Your post serves as a great reminder to us all. Trust your gut. Keep it your passion. Look over the downfalls and press ahead to what you are called to do (in my case). Thanks for the encouragement!!!
I love your blog, I love the way you write, because somehow I feel just the same, but not like I am still unpolished with the blogging thing
I just read this & the post you linked to on your other blog; about your battles with depression.
I so wish that more of us had people in our lives who could see that we are struggling with depression and would be willing to help us do something about it. I've struggled with depression on and off. These days I'm doing well and I've found that comparing myself to others can sometimes be a trap that sucks me into it.
Sadly, we lost my step sis in law just a little over a week ago to suicide. And I'm really not sure if any of us saw it coming.
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Many blessings to you and your family during this time.
Thank you.
Thank you for posting this. As a newbie blogger, it's what I needed to hear. Your blog is great and has tought me a lot, thanks!
Wow!
Amy, it is refreshing to hear someone say it so straightforward as you do here. I blog for pleasure and in hopes that my experience will be of some value to one of my readers somewhere, but I'm new into exploring ways to build my readership.
Thanks also for having a great source for the blogging community. I discovered your site last night when I was exploring how to create blog buttons. I've since been playing catch-up with your posts.
Keep doing the great things you're doing!
Again Amy, thank you. I know God lead me to you tonight. I have been blogging about two years and seemingly writting to my self most of the time. Really starting to get weary. You really helped me and encouraged me to hang in there. I will be an avid reader of all the information you have posted here because I know it is really for me. Please stop by my blog sometime and if you have comments good or not so good (smile) I will greatly appreciate it.
Thank you, blessings
Jean