Keeping it real here. This post is basically my story over the last few weeks…
If you're reading this, I imagine you are interested in learning how to be successful online. And if you're like me, you forget that "successful" is relative. Why does it matter? Because I'm not trying to achieve what "he" or "she" or "them" or "you" are trying to achieve. I need to do my own thing.
Lately I've felt like I'm drowning. I can't seem to keep up, things are falling through the cracks and my to-do list only seems to be lengthening, never mind getting done.
Being the introspective (read: navel-gazing) person I am, I've spent a fair amount of energy reflecting on this can't-catch-my-breath feeling.
My conclusion?
I have absolutely mastered a skill that I wish I never knew in the first place: comparing myself to others.
Comparing myself to others is killing me. Why?
1. It Kills My Perspective
What we see online is largely not real. Now I'm not suggesting people we encounter online aren't real people or that they are all fakes. What I am saying, though, is that we never get a complete picture of someone online. We are all able to show what we want and hide what we don't want others to see.
Consequently, when I start comparing my blog (and myself) to others, 9 times out of 10, I fall short — hopelessly short. ("I wish I could write like so-and-so or I wish I had that kind of traffic or those opportunities or had those photography skills, etc.")
I do believe there is such a thing as healthy competition. But you know competition is healthy when you are left feeling empowered, envigorated and excited to try something new. You know it's unhealthy when you're left feeling resentful, bitter, envious or like a failure.
2. It Kills My Purpose
There is not a single person on this earth like me. (And there's not a single person on this earth like you.) If I spend my time trying to be someone else, it's a waste of me.
I often catch myself trying to emulate what I see others do or on the flip side, not trying something because I haven't seen anyone else try it in the past.
I've also had to stop and review what I'm trying to do online in the first place. What really is my purpose here? I started out with the idea that I would supplement our income so I could preserve my freedom to stay home with my kids and pour into them. Somewhere along the line, though, it seems that got flipped around. Many days, as I'm shushing them and telling them to "hold on a minute" I realize it looks a whole lot more like my blog is my focus and my children are secondary.
3. It Kills My Productivity
I can't tell you the hours of my life I've wasted trying to "keep up" with the rest of the bloggers in the world. Whether it's posting, tweeting, facebooking, networking, commenting, building traffic, etc. etc., there always seems to be more I should be doing to "stay ahead of the curve."
If one thing's true, it's that the internet can be a colossal time-suck. Trying to keep up with "The Joneses" among the dozen or so families in your neighborhood or community is one thing. No wonder I have no time left to actually accomplish anything when there are hundreds or thousands of bloggers I falsely convince myself I've got to keep tabs on.
4. It Kills My Posts
I hate writing. Many people are surprised to learn that, but it's completely true. To me, publishing one post is quite an agonizing process. I'm much more of a math girl — I like to have the formula, plug it in, get an answer, done. Writing is too subjective, too variable, too nebulous. I never know when it's done.
So, as difficult as posting is to begin with, you can imagine what it's like when I throw in a good dose of "I wish I was like them" into the mix. Near torture.
My Plan
- I'm cutting down on my computer time. Way down. The computer just makes me think I have more to do. And frankly, it makes me a bit crabby.
- I'm not posting as much. Instead of 5 times a week, I'm now shootin' for 1, maybe 2. I'm taking the quality over quality approach.
- I've chosen a couple projects I want to focus on — ones that align with my personal goals. I'm going to focus almost exclusively on those and let the rest fall away. I'm pretty sure no one will die. In fact, I'm pretty sure most will not even notice.
- I'm going to see more people in real life (IRL). Online friends are great, but I think I need to get out more. Of course, meeting my online friends IRL would be ideal.
- I'm making an effort to be tortoise-like (as opposed to hare-like). Slow, steady and stay the course.
I'm open to advice. Got any for me?
Here at BloggingWithAmy you'll find tips, tools & tutorials about blogging and websites. In plain English. Want to 
Amen! I feel the same way sometimes. I have cut down the number of days a week I post as well so that I can be free to focus on other things. Thanks for posting this!
WOW – Great post! First, I want to tell you how much your site has helped me move my blog to WP. My husband & I did the move all on our own. We could not have done it without your how-to posts and videos.
Now on to THIS post. It’s as if you were reading my mind. Every single point, from the “wait a minute” to my kids TO constant comparing myself to more successful bloggers TO the I hate to write part.
The constant comparing to other blogs was a BIG problem for me. In my niche – it feels like there are 1000s of us and we must post often! I would get so down some days when comparing their success, etc. that I finally had to stop reading their feeds and posts. Not on twitter but mostly on FB since that’s where I’m at most times. Don’t get me wrong and no offense to them, but it was doing me no good. Now, I don’t feel this constant need to post every deal and to be like anyone else.
Slow & steady is the key. I'm now starting to find the balance. I like to compare my blog to my town. I am VERY content with that because I like the feeling of knowing people and the sense of community in a small town. I love where I live! I also rarely look at the “numbers” now. I finally came to this conclusion – As long as my readers are happy with my blog, I’m HAPPY
Excellent post and so very true. Thanks so much for the reminders!
<> Bravo, Amy, for being willing to do the right thing and for being so transparent about it. I'm getting ready to launch a new blog in a few days (I already write one about our sick son), and I've hit so many roadblocks just from being totally overwhelmed due to comparing myself to others. I'm a perfectionist who loves to write – it's a dangerous combination. I've spent way too long preparing to launch my blog because everything had to be perfect and 100% first. I've come to realize that something is better than nothing, and that if I wait to learn everything and master everything, I could spend a lifetime getting ready to blog and not actually doing it!!
Being available to my family and IRL friends is so important to me, and I'm looking forward to your time management stuff. Because my son's health is so volatile and unpredictable, and because I want plenty of time with my family, I've investing a lot of evenings planning out articles that are nearly ready to launch. I'm hoping that will reduce the time I have to spend on my blog when it goes live.
I've been feeling the pressure to do at least an article a day, 5 days a week. It's been freeing to hear that lots of other people are realizing that this is possibly an overambitious goal.
Thanks again for your transparency and courage;
Kate
Great article! I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the balance you are looking for!
)
Thanks, Chrys!
Your post comes at a perfect time for me.
Last night I was so panic-stricken with all the things on my to-do list (whether they need to be on the list or not), I couldn't fall asleep until 3 in the morning. And being the mother of 2 young children, that's just unheard of for me!!! Plus I wasn't doing a darn thing to help abate my to-do list!
I take all that you say to heart and have felt tortured by writing (the topic of my dissertation can wait for another day) and at other times very proud. I'm on such a roller coaster sometimes!
Thanks for such a REAL post!
Boy have I been there too! And I'm a roller coaster too.
This was very well written with a lot of good thoughts. This is joining in with all the reminders I have had lately to not worry or concentrate on what others are thinking of me, I want to instead completely focus on pleasing God and doing His will in my life. My sister and I were just discussing today how silly it is to worry about what others think of us, most of the time they aren't even paying attention.
Wonderfully said! I constantly struggle with the "I'm not good enough's" or shooshing my kids. Thank you so much and I think I am going to reread this a few times!
you are SO right! I've been doing all those things but will step back a bit. I will save thispost to refer to when I slip back along that slippery road!
Wow! It's unbelievable how many people out there in the same boat. I too compare myself to others all too often. My kids are in school full time and I STILL can't blog as much as everyone else.
I am not a writer, it's not natural for me at all. However, I feel like I have information to share with people. I started my blog thinking that if I could help just one person realize homemaking was a "job" then I'd be happy.
Well, pretty soon it turned into how many comments I was getting, how many carnivals I participated in, how many people visited my blog that day, etc. Then I was trying to figure out how to make money off it and my focus totally went that way. It's been about a year and I make about $2.00 a month…enough to pay for my blog name. I realized last week while on vacation (no internet) that it wasn't fun anymore. I was looking more at trying to figure out how to make money than I was at helping someone.
My blog will be changing as well. I'm not sure to what degree, but I've been challenged to spend an hour of the day with and for God. Whether it's reading the Bible, doing my volunteer work or finding random acts of kindess to do for my neighbors. My blog is taking the backseat to real life.
Good luck to you while you figure this out! As the mother of a 14 and 11 year old, the time really does go quickly. The hours in a day some times go slow, but the days in the year fly by!
Thank you for such a meaningful post.
SO many people can relate to this. I for one. You hit it right on the head when you said that the reason you started was to stay at home with your kids. I think this pertains to really any work-at-home job. I have the same problem. It has completely shifted. That is something that bugs me daily. Thanks for a great post that we can all relate to.
Love this post! This is encouraging me to actually get my blog going. I got started on it, but then started comparing myself to others and just about gave up. I just have to remember to stay balanced.
Hey, now maybe you and I can meet one another IRL.
~Gina (Heath's wife)
It's so easy to get to that point of comparison- even when you're doing it for the "right" reasons! I had such a letdown after the SavvyBlogging Summit because when I got home I felt like I couldn't tweet enough or FB enough and my blog was so backward "compared to others." Now I try enjoy it and not focus on what other's are doing, but it's an ongoing thing…
Thanks for these real words!
"I had such a letdown after the SavvyBlogging Summit because when I got home I felt like I couldn’t tweet enough or FB"
I have to say I was considering going to one of those and have now decided against it for that very reason.
I am chronically ill, with 4 kids and I can't do that much. I am so glad to see all these people having "blogging breakdowns" and to know that I"m not the only one. There were several other "major" people who are saying the same thing as Amy! There are days I wish hubby just had a "normal" job.
Wonderful post – thanks so much for sharing Amy! I started my blog to help make a little extra money as a stay at home mom and found myself doing the same thing. I've recently cut back on my blogging and went camping for the weekend!
Way to go! It's funny, when I'm at home, I'm always drawn to the computer, but whenever I'm away, I never miss it!
Thank you for this article. It was so timely and a blessing for me. I find myself feeling like I "owe" my readers posts, and I have to remember that this is fun, not a chore.
I'm definitely realizing that I need to slow down and spend more time with my girls. A Coupon Chick is not going to go on forever! And, my girls are growing up so fast.
Thanks again!
Such a great reminder! Thanks, Heather!
Amy, this post has helped me tremendously! You read my mind. Every single word you have written in this post is EXACTLY how I feel. I thank GOD (and you) that I am not alone. Sometimes I feel I am in a competition, when really we should be focusing on helping our readers and delivering good, precise content. You are a very brave women for "handing" over your heart to us! I will definitely follow your steps, and stop and smell the roses!
I'm just so glad so many of you jumped in and let me know I'm not alone!
You also have to remember, when looking at other blogs traffic, they may have been blogging for years to get those high numbers. I agree, comparing yourself to other bloggers only makes you feel down. Just do what you want and don't worry about the other bloggers!
Really great post, Amy. I went through something very similar awhile back. I turned off my blog stats, stepped back and reevaluated what I was doing and why I was blogging.
I've kept the stats off and now blog on my own terms. It has been a huge relief and burden off my back! I hope you find it to be the same.
Thanks Kristen. Yeah, those stats…sometimes it's better just to ignore them.
Wow! I am new to the blot life and I can see what you mean. You can really put pressure on yourself if you do not limit your time on the computer. I see myself in you and because of this I too will only be posting a couple times a week. Thanks for the great advice.
Mrs. Mix It
Well, I am glad you wrote this for other reasons. I have been trying to go back through your old posts, to fix my blog, and I was just not able to keep up. I wanted to write and tell you, but thought I might be whining.
It will be so much easier for me if you post less often, and I know everything you do, you do it for me.
So don't feel bad at all.
A blog mission once or twice a week is all I can handle these days anyway.
So Thanks
I was overwhelmed by all my posting too, so it makes sense you were!!
I was posting a lot because someone somewhere said I should post a lot. How silly. {{smacks head}}
Gonna doing what right for me now, though! Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you thank you thank you.
I have felt like this as well and it's so awesome to know that i'm not alone. I also hate writing posts. I am NOT a writer by nature (a math girl just like you) so I panic and over criticize my posts to the point where I can't find any motivation to write any.
But I recently decided that, so what if I'm not the best writer. I'm just gonna try to write. Practice makes perfect and I figure eventually I will come into my own and hopefully I will find that I can write great posts.
For now, I just need to share info.
Thanks for this blog. It's been so educating.
Right there with ya, Christie!
Have you tried using a timer? "I'm going to set this timer for 30 minutes. When it rings, I publish, no matter what." Scary, but effective!
I should give that a try! I get way too distracted with Facebook & Twitter every time I get on the computer, it definitely takes away from blogging (and my kids, and my house, and and and…). Sounds scary but I imagine very effective.
I agree on so much of what you wrote. It's frightfully easy to get confused in the vacuum of the online world. I also wanted to share a concept about competition called The Pork Chop Theory. It makes a lot of sense.
http://wp.me/paIKj-hN
Wow, I needed this. I'm pretty new to blogging, but this post kind of shined a light on where my mindset was headed, and I'm glad for the wake up call.
Thank you for addressing this issue. I have spoken to many other bloggers about this and it is a concern where this is headed.
Wow, you really helped me sort some things out! I really needed to read this post ~ Thanks!
http://www.dealsanddishes.com/2010/08/what-i-like-about-you-new-changes-to.html
Hi Amy!
I'm so glad to have found you via a comment referal at Like a Warm Cup of Coffee. I think many bloggers are having this same revelation, myself included. Thanks for the insight – I'm going to be revising my blogging schedule as well as my computer time as well!
Cheers!
~heidi
Wow Amy, I am there with you! It is like you are in my head saying what I am thinking. Thanks for being so honest with your readers and yourself. Your kids will only benefit from this. So often I remind myself of my priority to be a stay at home mom, and it does not allow 8 hours a day to blog like other blogging mommies. Not sure where they find the time and still run a household, but more power to them.
If we are not out there experiencing life there isn't much to write about is there? I think you are on the right track with slow and steady. Love it! Thanks for the reality check!
Wow Amy!!! Thank you so much for this post. You do not know how much this blog entry has made my day…goodness made my MONTH! I wish you and your family well!
I absolutely agree and I see myself in this post….wow… what a revelation! Thank you for your honesty!
I don't know about you, but I find that Twitter stresses me out the most! If I keep Twitter open all day, I'm tempted to keep checking what's getting posted there, and compare stats (Facebook does this too, but not as much).
I find that when I just stay in my own little "deal finding world" and pass on what I believe is a new and unique find, I can do what I love, and love doing it!
I agree! We decided to not even start on Twitter and after doing FB for 4 months we are wondering "what's the point". We have dumped our personal FB for the most part and now I just put new posts on the business one and respond to comments which are very few.
Amy just a quick note to say…you are missed!! Even if you can't keep up the pace you previously maintained on this blog…I sure hope you will continue post once in awhile. I keep coming back and hoping to find something new here!
Thanks Angela. The last few weeks have been a much-needed break, but I'll be jumping in today again.
Good for you. The blogosphere can wear a girl out–creating a false sense of urgency, and an artificial means of measuring ourselves. I don't know about you, but the last thing I need is encouragement to measure myself! I've scaled back too, and it's been one of the best things I've done in ages.
Hey Shannon,
"a false sense of urgency, and an artificial means of measuring ourselves"
Exactly. Thanks for your wise and experienced perspective. Very well said.
I just want to say how much I really enjoy what you have to say. You are professional and full of great content, yet so real. Thank you SO MUCH!
You are very welcome! Thanks for hanging out with me.
Sometimes I feel like I compare myself to others SO much that I'm tempted to just stop reading blogs for a while and focus on my voice and my style of writing and just WRITE.
I love to write. But I get discouraged when I see how others write better than me. Then I try to mirror THEIR writing and it comes out all wrong — choppy and lame. LOL I still struggle trying to find my voice again. I used to write very fluidly and passionately. Now I'm too busy trying to write like everyone else and my thoughts don't flow as well.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I think i need to take a step back just to refocus and find my own voice again. Perhaps I should stop reading other blogs for just a short season.
I think we can all relate, Christin! I know I can. I can't agree more — just be yourself!
I haven't read all the comments, but what a great post! The internet is a huge time sucker! I find myself doing the same thing w/ my 9 month old-when Dad's home at least-having him take her so I can finish something up on the computer.
This is awesome advice for a newbie! I will make sure to keep this in my mind as I start out and see all the different blogs I've never noticed before!!
Thanks,
Bridget from http://www.bumluxury.blogspot.com
Wow, the timing of me reading your post is impeccable. I am experiencing this same exact thing today. Thank you so much for your honest post. Your blog has helped me immensely. In fact, I followed your blog posts step-by-step to move by blog to the self-hosted version of WordPress and launch http://fiveadaythefunway.com.
Please know that you are not alone. I definitely feel the same way and I am going to take your advice again and take a step back and re-evaluate my priorities. Thanks for the inspiring post!
Thanks,
Stacy
You know how sometimes God guides you to the right place at the right time to hear just exactly what you need to hear? Well, that's what He just did with me and this post. Thank you for being honest and thank you for letting God use you to speak to me!
I *do* know how that works, Mindy.
Glad it was helpful.
Thank you so much for writing this Amy. It was just what I needed to hear today.
Amy,
You are always a breathe of fresh air. Such good perspective…even if I am reading it a year after you posted it:)
These sorts of things I have to remind myself of over and over. They're timeless. Thanks for your encouragement.
Wow I am a new reader just found you today. Not even sure how I got here lol. But I think I need to read this post once a day. Honest. Over the past year my personal family blog grew into a crazy product review blog. And while the opportunities I have been blessed with are fun and helpful for our family in some ways, in other ways I have seen they have sucked me into a "full time job" of blogging and now I too feel like I can't keep up, like I will never be as good as other blogs I admire, like my focus is distracted away from God and my family at times, and that the whole point of starting my blog ( to be a resource and help to new parents) is getting lost in the 'business' and 'busy-ness' of blogging. Sorry now I am acting like this is a confessional. I am not usually like this in comments. But this post really spoke to my heart. Thank you and I am bookmarking this to reread over and over while I implement some changes.
Thanks so much for stopping by! I'm glad it was helpful.
Wow! I can't even believe how much I can relate to this post. Thanks I really needed these ideas!
I recently discovered that I had mastered that skill also. Bleh. Had to step back to get a 'grip', remember why I started my blog, and for who I started it for. Deep breath. Back on track…(or at least for now). Funny thing is…I looove the writing part. It's like I finally get to empty my brain of all the delicious words inside. But the technical mumbo-jumbo…brings intense panic. I mean, I can turn on my computer and tv, but after that?…hmmmm. So, thanks for this. I see other people looking like they are shooting off into the stars with all their new projects and goals and here I am, the lil' turtle, just plodding along. I will continue to plod. Touching one life was the reason I started…and the reason I will continue. I needed this….so thank you!
Oh, but there's something wonderful to say about slow and steady…
Your honesty is refreshing! Thank you for the insight. I hushed my kid the other day when I was running to post something after we did an activity and I realized I just did exactly the opposite of what my goals were!
So helpful, I know the feeling and since returning from a holiday, I feel less inclined to stress about 'trying to keep up' and just focus on the reason I blog in the first place- to keep track of all my sewing projects. Thanks heaps.
Oh, yes. Time away always does that for me too. I feel "reset" afterwards. Glad it was helpful!
BRAVO!!
I completely related to each and every point you made.
It's hard to believe reading that writing is difficult for you as you always present your ideas so well!
Cheers!
-H
No advice, just GOOD PLAN!!
What a relief – cuz the more YOU post the longer MY to-do list gets.
AWESOME post! I find myself getting discouraged at times when I see that my blog isn't getting the results I want it to. Now I see that my problem during these times is ENVY, plain and simple. Instead of comparing myself with other bloggers, I want to be "me" first and foremost. Then maybe people will like me better!