Keeping it real here. This post is basically my story over the last few weeks…
If you're reading this, I imagine you are interested in learning how to be successful online. And if you're like me, you forget that "successful" is relative. Why does it matter? Because I'm not trying to achieve what "he" or "she" or "them" or "you" are trying to achieve. I need to do my own thing.
Lately I've felt like I'm drowning. I can't seem to keep up, things are falling through the cracks and my to-do list only seems to be lengthening, never mind getting done.
Being the introspective (read: navel-gazing) person I am, I've spent a fair amount of energy reflecting on this can't-catch-my-breath feeling.
My conclusion?
I have absolutely mastered a skill that I wish I never knew in the first place: comparing myself to others.
Comparing myself to others is killing me. Why?
1. It Kills My Perspective
What we see online is largely not real. Now I'm not suggesting people we encounter online aren't real people or that they are all fakes. What I am saying, though, is that we never get a complete picture of someone online. We are all able to show what we want and hide what we don't want others to see.
Consequently, when I start comparing my blog (and myself) to others, 9 times out of 10, I fall short — hopelessly short. ("I wish I could write like so-and-so or I wish I had that kind of traffic or those opportunities or had those photography skills, etc.")
I do believe there is such a thing as healthy competition. But you know competition is healthy when you are left feeling empowered, envigorated and excited to try something new. You know it's unhealthy when you're left feeling resentful, bitter, envious or like a failure.
2. It Kills My Purpose
There is not a single person on this earth like me. (And there's not a single person on this earth like you.) If I spend my time trying to be someone else, it's a waste of me.
I often catch myself trying to emulate what I see others do or on the flip side, not trying something because I haven't seen anyone else try it in the past.
I've also had to stop and review what I'm trying to do online in the first place. What really is my purpose here? I started out with the idea that I would supplement our income so I could preserve my freedom to stay home with my kids and pour into them. Somewhere along the line, though, it seems that got flipped around. Many days, as I'm shushing them and telling them to "hold on a minute" I realize it looks a whole lot more like my blog is my focus and my children are secondary.
3. It Kills My Productivity
I can't tell you the hours of my life I've wasted trying to "keep up" with the rest of the bloggers in the world. Whether it's posting, tweeting, facebooking, networking, commenting, building traffic, etc. etc., there always seems to be more I should be doing to "stay ahead of the curve."
If one thing's true, it's that the internet can be a colossal time-suck. Trying to keep up with "The Joneses" among the dozen or so families in your neighborhood or community is one thing. No wonder I have no time left to actually accomplish anything when there are hundreds or thousands of bloggers I falsely convince myself I've got to keep tabs on.
4. It Kills My Posts
I hate writing. Many people are surprised to learn that, but it's completely true. To me, publishing one post is quite an agonizing process. I'm much more of a math girl — I like to have the formula, plug it in, get an answer, done. Writing is too subjective, too variable, too nebulous. I never know when it's done.
So, as difficult as posting is to begin with, you can imagine what it's like when I throw in a good dose of "I wish I was like them" into the mix. Near torture.
My Plan
- I'm cutting down on my computer time. Way down. The computer just makes me think I have more to do. And frankly, it makes me a bit crabby.
- I'm not posting as much. Instead of 5 times a week, I'm now shootin' for 1, maybe 2. I'm taking the quality over quality approach.
- I've chosen a couple projects I want to focus on — ones that align with my personal goals. I'm going to focus almost exclusively on those and let the rest fall away. I'm pretty sure no one will die. In fact, I'm pretty sure most will not even notice.
- I'm going to see more people in real life (IRL). Online friends are great, but I think I need to get out more. Of course, meeting my online friends IRL would be ideal.
- I'm making an effort to be tortoise-like (as opposed to hare-like). Slow, steady and stay the course.
I'm open to advice. Got any for me?
Here at BloggingWithAmy you'll find tips, tools & tutorials about blogging and websites. In plain English. Want to 
I can relate in many, many ways. I have taken a step back lately, too and I have to remind myself more times than I care to admit not to compare myself to others online. It's hard not to, but it's not helpful or encouraging at all to do so, either.
I think you're taking some very positive steps!
Thanks Monica! I'm always so glad to know others can relate.
Having just started in the blogging world, I quickly realized that I feel like I'm stuck to the computer more than I am to my son or activities with 'real' people. This post has really helped me a lot, I've been trying to get my blog going, so I know that takes time; however, my prime responsibility is my faith, husband, son, and family…then my PT job and lastly my blog.
I am now realizing I have to set restrictions on myself not to be on the computer certain times a day and if my blog doesn't get posted immediately no one will die without it! It's very easy to get sucked in and start comparing, I've realized that quickly.
I am happy for you and the plan you set, I think we all need to take lessons from that.
I think you are very, very wise to take a step back.
I agree that it IS hard to not compare yourself and want to grow, grow, GROW!!
Just last night I was tellling my husband that I want to really understand my intention in doing everything that I do… everything.
For me, I want my actions (and heart) to glorify God. If they don't, they need to go. (And just for anyone who might think that is extreme, I firmly believe that things as little as painting my daughters fingernails count as glorifying God. I'm enjoying His blessing and showing love… So it isn't as lofty as it sounds.)
I don't want to write posts to bring traffic. I want to write only the ones I truly care about in some way… either for me or in sharing with others.
It's easy to get caught up in the blogging rush… Kudos to you for taking a step back.
Right there with ya, Amy!
Hi Amy,
I think you are taking a great step in your life. I hate that the computer takes a big part of the day. I was writing a frugal blog a few months ago and decided it took too much time so I started a pet blog. It doesn't take as long and like you I hate writing but I like to pass what I learn onto others.
I want more time to persue my photography, devote more time to my dogs, travel, see friends, go to church etc.
Still my emails and the blogs I try to keep up on take so much time. Good for you for making a goal and sticking with it. Hopefully I will learn to do that soon too.
I thought your posting had slowed down, but I'm so glad for the reason.
I published a post on Blogher a few months ago about feeling like a hypocrite as a blogger b/c I simply couldn't reply or link back to all those that commented, tweeted etc. about me.
My ultimate conclusion was that the readers worth keeping will understand the demands on my time and that I would much rather be seen as a hypocritical blogger than a hypocritical wife and mother.
I think I'm going to try John Morrow's approach and post less and try to guest post a little more and spend more time with my daughter.
You've written a lot of great posts, but I'm just about sure this one takes the cake.
Thanks for keeping it real and honest… and thanks for being YOU!
Fabulous post, Amy! I'm doing much the same for very similar reasons. I just wrote about this, too, but not as eloquently as you did. But I'm not comparing!
My blog posts may be slowing down, but I'm SO excited about being a family again.
I loved the time we spent together at a table at the original SavvyBlogging round table discussion! Thanks for sharing your heart, then and now.
SO good to read. Definitely needed to hear this. Thanks.
I just want you to know that your blog is of value to me. I read your posts and implement many of the suggestions. So if you ever feel like you are blogging to no one, you at least have one fan. Keep up the good work, not matter what you do!
I totally hear you. I've come to grips with the fact that I cannot launch products, run a BlogFrog community, write for other sites, and do a bazillion other blogging-related tasks.
I can blog and I can do a little bit of Twitter/Facebook, but that's just about it.
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!! As always Amy, you hit the nail on the head. I am doing way to much shushing and feeling I am not keeping up. My family is more important than that and so am I.
TIME TO RE-EVALUATE! Thanks for the reminder.
I feel you with the time suck that is blogging and social media. Getting my "brand" and blog off of the ground has taken months of surfing, commenting, learning, tweeting, etc and when I am not on the computer, I am thinking that I should be on the computer. They say if you keep posting, they will come, but notice they never tell you how long it will take to really get it in gear? You can lose the point of why you started and sight of your priorities really quickly. I struggle with it daily and am at the point where I have to have a sort of weekly meeting with myself to go over my goals and focus. (Strangely, having a meeting with myself is often just as unproductive as having meetings with others!)
You have already given us a lot of great content to work with, take a break of sort and let the work you have already done do the driving for a while. You deserve it!
I recently came to the exact same conclusions, yet keep getting sucked back in. Thanks for encouraging me to stay the course!
I hear you! It is so easy to think there is so much to do online when really there's not. I look at my reader and my blog drafts and my email and so on and feel the need to "keep up". But I just have to stop and leave it. Glad to hear you're reminding me too
Hey Amy…I'm glad that you are making the necessary changes the get your "real life" rebalanced. One thing my husband always says is,"You are your own boss and if you are stressed out, tired and overworked, you need to fire yourself".
The thing about being a stay at home mom who blogs as a hobby or as an income stream is that we are primarily responsible for how we manage our time. While I can't say that I've mastered balancing social media, blogging, homeschooling, marriage and homemaking, I will say that I am much better than I was.
Over the summer I allowed myself the liberty to be online as much as my hearts content and found that I began to hate it. Now that school is back in it wasn't so hard pulling away because I already experienced (over the summer) the stress of trying to update my blog, FB page and Twitter hourly. It was draining and stressful.
I appreciate everything you put into this blog but I respect you and other moms who blog, when they have the honesty to say that "HECK no! There is no way that I am giving my children & husband the attention they deserve and still managing to update my social networks every 10 minutes".
LET"S JUST BE REAL…SOMETHING IS BEING NEGLECTED.
I hate to come an ramble on peoples blogs but that's my 2¢
This is just what I needed to hear this week. My blog originally started as a way to help others and I still want to do that. It's so easy to get pulled into the numbers, what others are doing, and how I'm not measuring out.
Meanwhile I'm right there with you shushing my boys and letting other things in life slide. I want to make sure when I'm with my husband, boys, and friends that I'm fully presence.
You are not alone, Amy. Thanks for your honesty.
YES!!! Thank you so much for your honesty!
I have gotten sucked into the comparison game and realized it has made me a very unhappy person. I cannot keep up nor do I really want to anymore!
Excellent post, Amy! I frequently have to remind myself that I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom, not a blogger. And taking the time away from the computer not only helps me be a better mom, it also ends up helping me be a better blogger.
Thanks for making me think about my own goals!
Having been in business for 10 years but just entering the social media and blogging space in the last year, its surprising how all consuming it can be and that the end result of being overextended isn't always positive. Our online lives are an extension of ourselves and amazing things can happen here, but not at the expense of what happens offline, in real life, every day. Confidence in the unqiue woman you are is perhaps the greatest key to success no matter where you are…thank you for making that so clear and concise.
Yes! You said this perfectly. I've taken a step back and re-evaluated SEVERAL times over the last few years. This is know: No one has died.
Not even my blog died. Imagine that. 
You do what you gotta do. =)
Such a great word! I have been feeling the same thing for a while. Often I want to just scrap it all. I feel a strong calling to focus on the needs of my family, my home, the church, and just shepherding my own heart/life. but at the same time, I feel like if I scrap the blogging now, I will lose my platform. I feel like I have things to say, but need focus on what my vision/purpose actually is for my blog. What am I trying to really do here with my blog? I don't know. But I do know that my children and family are much more important. What a timely post!
Thanks Amy! It's so easy to get stuck in the "comparison trap". I regularly tell my daughters that they should never compare themselves to others. There will always be someone who is better at something than we are and there will always be things that we are better at than others. Comparing ourselves is just a recipe for disaster and disappointment. I need to remind myself that this is true in blogging as well!
Thanks for the reminder!
I'm fairly new (3 mos.) to this craze, and this post really spoke to me. (Even the part about shushing my kids, telling them to hold on a minute…*cringe*!) I LOVE your plan. I think I'm going to save this page to my favorites and re-visit often as a reminder to me. Because I can see how easily this could take over my life if I let it. Thank you again.
Jennifer
http://www.thefarriswheel.blogspot.com
Amazing post, Amy! I really love it!
All of your points made me say, "Yes!" Great job — you should be proud of what you wrote!
This is great; I can relate to so much of it. I'm the opposite, though, in that I LOVE to write. And I see people doing all sorts of cool things and feel like I need to keep up and then I have to remember to focus on what I do best and what I like to do and the rest will work out.
Very well written, for someone who doesn't like to write!
We're not Facebook friends are we? Because, I posted an update earlier to this effect. Very well written!
Good for you! I appreciate your honesty and look forward to the fruit of a contemplative life. I'm new at blogging, but have found the busyness never ends. I've stuck with the 2 posts per week and have felt behind the curve on so many occasions, but it seems to fit our lives for now. I dream about someday writing in advance and just pushing the 'publish' button – but I am not there.
I hope you blog your progress – so many of us are watching and learning.
Bless you~
Thank you, Amy, for being so honest and open! I'm new to the blogging game and now that the initial thrill has worn off, am feeling the same way. It's probably in part due to the fact that I'm gearing up for another year of teaching so I need to make sure my priorities are in line. There are many amazing people that surround us but we need to remember that God made us unique! Thank you for a wonderful reminder!
Amy,
I can TOTALLY relate to this post! Wow, you said it ALL so perfectly. Your hard work writing really showed. I was drawn in by every word. I don't even have my blog up yet, but I feel this way in real life and I've had multiple conversations with various friends and my husband about this. Your fix it strategy sounds perfect and a great way to manage the infringment on your life that this recent path has taken. Great ideas!
Thanks for keeping it real…
Molly
Prior to attending Savvy Blogging this year, I was here. I felt like the blog was running my life. I felt like all my children saw of me was the back of my head bent over a computer screen. Yet, I felt totally powerless to change that. (sad, but true)
Since then, I've come to the same conclusions. My answers…
I've moved the computer out of the living room so it isn't always right there beckoning me.
I've made up regular "work" times and stick to them like glue.
I've spent much more time in IRL relationships (mostly due to implementing the first two things)
Life is so much fuller when you are living it and not blogging it!
Way to go, Amy!
You are so right, I have been there too. In fact I have cut down my blogging alot over the summer, you have to do what is right for you. No comparing.
But just to say, you are pretty great!
Thanks for this post! It's just what I needed! I think your blog is quite awesome and has been a huge resource for me. I would say that many would compare themselves to your high standard.
Great message today!!
had to comment on this. i just said to myself yesterday, "i need to put parameters on my computer!" the computer sure does suck me in and it's going to take some discipline. very encouraging and thanks for the post!
Hi, Amy.
Great post. I get caught up in the "what is a success?" question. For me, it was proof (or lack thereof): money. Since I'm making little to none, I must work harder. And harder. And do what SHE does. And implement this strategy and that one. Ugh!
Personally, I'm always in process as I feel that God continues to refine me through the skills he's given me. He has given me the skill of writing for his purpose; I just need to faithfully walk daily. Blogging fits in there somewhere; still not sure where.
So my blogging plan has become more relaxed during the last few weeks: mainly writing as I feel "led." If the "numbers" come, so be it!
Comparison is the devil's tool!
Amy – sincerely…thank you for this! I am in the process of developing my new blog…one that I hope someday will be a launching point for so much more. But I got myself got in the trap of reading EVERYTHING I could get my hands on for what I needed to do to set up my blog, build readership, monetize, etc., etc. I spend most days feeling utterly overwhelmed and doubting myself before even getting out of the gates! This post helps me to refocus on my original intentions and goals, and allows me to give myself permission to do it "my" way with the time that I have. I have to remember that I have a full time day job in addition to this, and I just will NOT be able to sustain 5 posts a week, guest posting, building relationship with my readers, etc.
THANK YOU! I really needed to hear this today!
Amen!!
It looks like most of us can relate! Thank you for another great post, Amy. Have a fabulous day!
Amy, thank you so much for sharing this! You made me tear up at the "kids are secondary" part because that is what I have been struggling with since my second daughter was born 14 weeks ago. I appreciate your honesty and wisdom and your courage to step back from it all. Best of luck finding your balance! I'm going to work on it too…
Good for you, Amy! I just recently discovered your blog and your info has been easy to understand. Like so many, I have limited time to learn about my blogging hobby. Enjoy your computer-free time!
You've obviously touched a nerve that many can relate to; and I see the competitive, judging, emulating craziness every day in the food blogging world. I've seen friends I know go crazy over how to push their blog forward; on top of the blog post itself is the constant self promotion and bragging if they get on one of the food photo sites or Food Buzz. The next day they are heartbroken when their photo is rejected (oh yeah, who knew if you love to cook you also have to become a photographer!).
I had a lightbulb moment a few weeks ago; I realized that despite my verbal expression of the craziness; the reality was that I had been sucked into some of this same mess and as I have two businesses to run on top of my blog; am thankful for that moment. I had a great photo of a martini rejected and it hit me…this drink looks beautiful, my peers on Twitter flooded my stream telling me so; so as of that day? I will submit but then walk away…it makes it, cool, if not I'm OK with that too because what matters is my own feeling of accomplishment and a decision to not let some unknown entity without rules for success define mine.
I have a lot of clients who are food bloggers; it's been a boon to my web business to be one of them; it gives me an extra advantage in knowing what works for them and I do have a voice that they will listen to. What I've been saying? Funny, but you said it too. 'Be the Tortoise.' Slow, steady, stay the course AND do it with integrity. Write from the heart, don't try to be someone else, you can't.Try to curtail envy over someone else's achievements; be happy for them and that ability to share someone's joy will come back to you tenfold.
If I can be honest…your cutting back is perfect. I actually get a bit perturbed at someone sending me a post a day. I read some desperation in that effort; wonder what else they could have going on in their life, etc. You have a family that needs to be your priority; you could one day have the number ONE blog in the world and look back and regret the time it took away from your kids. That time can never be recaptured and despite lies we tell to ourselves…we will never get more caught up working longer hours looking at the future for that time. Take it now.
Great read…makes me think I should do something similar!
You literally just wrote out my exact "blogging feelings". I have felt that way for a while now and have been so frustrated with myself that I am losing perspective. I almost cried at the part where you said you started doing this to have more time with your children, but instead it has been that your blog has become the focus. That is just what I was bemoaning to my husband about 2 days ago. I feel like the worst mom – my kids are trying to get my attention, and I keep saying, "Just one more minute" or "as soon as finish what I am working on, I will help you". And the poor kids just want something as simple as a snack! Yikes! It hit home when my oldest said, "Mom, you never will be finished. It is always just one more minute with you!" Ummm. Ouch!
So, yes. I get it. I am so proud of you for creating a new plan. I am going to be a copy-cat and try and follow suit. I need to. For the sake of my family, and the hearts of my children, I need to.
Thank you for sharing your feelings! There are more of us that feel this way, than not.
GREAT post, Amy! I look forward to following you (and to tell the truth I have a HORRIBLE time of keeping up with blog reading, so 1 or 2 times a week is a breath of fresh air to me as a reader)… (uh, not that I wouldn't love hearing from you more… you know what I mean, right?)
Thanks again! Love, Michelle
I know what you mean.
Actually, I think you bring up an excellent point. There are some blogs that benefit from being updated a lot. I think others don't need as much posting. Like you suggested, nowadays, information-overload is a huge issue. I am hoping my less frequent posting will make at least a little bit of difference.
Amy, as usual, so well said. I've been running the website I write for for the last week since the creator is on vacation, and I've been so overwhelmed! Once she's back, I'm really going to evaluate my time spent on the computer and tell myself "enough is enough" when it needs to be said.
I asked you a while ago about a time budgeting series/ebook…are you still working on that? (No pressure, just curious.) I look forward to reading it if/when it goes live.
Yes, I agree. It can be so overwhelming. And consuming!
Regarding the time-management ebook…yes, I'm still plugging away at it (although, ironically, it got put on the back burner this summer when I couldn't seem to manage my time very well)! I started out with the idea that I'd share the steps I used with Money Saving Mom to help her get her time organized. But as I wrote, I realized I had a lot more to say about it. It is turning into a step-by-step guide to managing your time in a way that (a) you don't feel overwhelmed and (b) the important things don't fall through the cracks. I'm using my own schedule as the primary case study. (Although, given the last few weeks, I need to apparently practice what I'm preaching better!!) I hope to have it available within the next 2 months so stay tuned….
Amy, thanks so much for your response! I truly look forward to reading your time management series whenever it's posted (even if it's next year…lol).
All I can say is THANK GOD I'm not the only one who has felt this way. Phew! I have backed off my blog entirely because I feel at such a standstill in all of this blogging stuff. I love blogging, but being a frugal blogger is tough. It requires multiple posts per day and there are SO MANY coupon blogs out there, I have a hard time finding my unique spot amongst everyone else. I too struggle with comparing myself to others. The biggest thing running through my head the past few weeks has been "She is already really good at this. I should just hand the baton to her and be done with it." I'm so discouraged by another blogger that I don't even want to blog myself. I never wanted to be a blog that is just re-posts of what every other blog writes, so I haven't written at all. *sigh* Anyway, thanks for this great post!
You may need to take a break if you have too many irons in the fire. I am guilty of staying in front of the computer all day every day– and it's not b/c I don't like to be around people. Matter of fact, I love to read and write, but I tend to neglect the important things. So it's good that you've decided to follow your heart and re-focus your priorities. You may also want to ask God for His direction– where is He leading you to use your energies? In any case, this blog has been most helpful to me and I for one appreciate the work you put into it.
Thanks Daree.
I enjoyed your post. Good for you, Amy, for realizing that you need to cool it down. You probably got caught up in the world of blogging without realizing it. My blog might be considered boring, and I don't have thousands of viewers, but the few loyal ones that I do have? I am SO grateful to them. I also email a few of them, and they email me, and they are lovely people. I would rather know a few great people, than to have a few thousand followers. That was MY goal for my blog, and I have accomplished it. Yes, it would be nice to make some MONEY from my blog, with a lot of followers, but I just don't have it in me. Too lazy I guess? LOL! Anyway, enjoy yourself and enjoy the time you take that's AWAY from your blog.
Best regards,
Gloria
Amy, I think you have done a great job and you should know that your site it THE #1 resource I used in setting up my blog. I think your posts are all informational and well-written. None of that probably matters if you're struggling to do it though.
The one thing I have found helpful is not reading other similiar blogs, which, at some point is counterintuitive, right? But if you need some time, take a break from reading other blogs so you no longer give yourself the opportunity to compare yourself and your writing.
Keep keeping it real!
Thanks for the encouragement, Jill. It is helpful to hear those comments because helping people is definitely something I enjoy. And when I can offer help about one of my favorite things (i.e. everything internet), it makes it even better. Thus the reason I plow through the writing part of it.
I find that I only have time for one thing online – either I blog or I participate in social media. And because I chose to blog, I rarely even tweet or comment on other blogs. I just don't have the energy for it because I have a lot of other hobbies other than blogging. And you are right, sometimes I wonder why I am not offered opportunities like other bloggers, but it is because they send more time than me connecting with others. I am happy with being a small time blogger because the bigger you are the more time you need to devote to your blog. Then, it will be like work instead of the hobby (a low paying job compare to my day job).
Great points, Asithi. My dad is so right when he says life is all about tradeoffs. I *wish* I could do it all, but then again, I probably don't.
I have been struggling with the decision to delete my blog. This helped me decide it was the right thing to do! I also deleted all the accounts attached to it. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Time to go play with the kids!
Wow, good for you! So glad it's a burden lifted.
I love you for you. I think you are the best sis' in the world, blog or no blog! I just wish we lived close enough to hang out IRL!
I am encouraged by you, inspired by you and think God will bless the "less is more" approach! Thanks for the wonderful reminder to focus on the important things.
I love you more. And the feelings of inspiration and encouragement are mutual. And we still like the idea of you living next door…
I really needed to hear this. RIGHT NOW. Thanks Amy! this is why I like you- you're honest and keep it real.
Allie